A little about us...

PÄTRICK K

(Goober / Vater)

Mostly seen as a 'Jack of all Trade, Master of None', Pätrick is an ambivert plagued with Wanderlust, Treppenwitz, Sehnsucht, ...oh, and C-PTSD. He’s a dad joke connoisseur, advocate for the use of oxford commas, and embraces the outlook that life presents a continuum of things we have yet to know we don’t know. His kitchen skills are framed around improving the ‘this tastes healthy’ component to cleaner eating for his husband. An imaginative water witch, Pätrick takes the calm of water energies to transform imaginative ‘could-be’s’ into eventual reality. His affinity towards the serenity of water may also explain his unnecessary proxy knowledge of manatees, hippos, and spoonbills. He’s decent at softball, can out free-dive the average person, and holds crow pose for an absurd amount of time when in the zone. As a current ‘gaymer in progress’, he maintains forever pride in ‘player 2’ status (unless playing Mario, where Caleb insists on being Luigi). An ideal night out is grabbing some Indian Food and bowling...or a complimentary night in begins with the transitions of ending one of his lovely garden parties with close friends and husband and moving to house cocktails and Disney/Broadway Karaoke. After Love, his driving factors are outlined as ‘LDRSHIP’, though admittedly he is currently working hard to improve the ‘P’. He's just trying to be his best Salor Neptune self in a Salor Moon World.

CALEB K

(Doop-a-Loop / Dad)

Caleb is an LCSW, focusing on adolescent therapy, and has an MS in Biomedical Anthropology (sexy nerd stuff). He’s a dad-joke master, pun slayer, and an overall teller of good stories, of which he shares at parties. A faint smell redolent of pickles follows him, creating a scent for nostalgia to the little moments of familiarity...and the insecurity of ‘do I actually smell like pickles?!’ A fire witch by nature, Caleb finds energy from the inspiration of creativity in others, especially music and nature. His energy channels himself to a consistent level of open-mindedness, the spontaneity for new adventures, and the magick of excogitate the perfect surprise for someone. At home, he’s constantly wondering if he has a fever while he’s stomping around in heels to keep his booty-ooty-ooty in scoopable shape. Caleb makes a great vegan French onion soup, an amazing red sauce made by labored love of stirring it every ten minutes, and a pasta salad that will change your world. His essence as an educator allows an on-demand quick reference point for clarity in the DC/Marvel Universes while he champions his leading heroes, Jean Grey and Green Lantern. (...are they from the same universe?! I forget, but I am sure I will be corrected!) Oh...and randomly...if Caleb was a Pokémon, he would be a ‘Carry all the groceries from the Car in one trip-type'.

Building our Story

"...the best story starts and the 'ever after' means no end." - Caleb K

A summer day got even hotter when Caleb walked into a café trick use to frequent. This local café, in a city we both were just temporarily visiting in 2011, hosted our first meeting. Pätrick, face-down in his phone, was immediately enchanted by Caleb’s handsome and confident presence. The conversation was exciting, fluid, and furthered more desire to get to know the new curiosities of each other. The conversation moved from the café to a park across the street from the friend’s house where Pätrick was staying. Then Pätrick insisted on walking Caleb back to his car and then Caleb insisted on driving Pätrick back to his friend’s house.
This is where there is a difference of opinion as to how the relationship came to be. Pätrick will say he pursued Caleb, meanwhile Caleb will say it was he who did the pursuing. Regardless, Pätrick returned to NYC, and the relationship really began to blossom despite the distance by means of digital support (constant texting, long evening phone chats, .gif battles, insistent flirtatious outlines of eventual cuddling/spoon). Pätrick was set on seeing Caleb ASAP when he got back to his city of residence, Binghamton, but ended up planning a performance tour to Pittsburgh sooner. On this second visit out, there was a month-long awaited kiss in a park reinforcing the groundwork of building something life-changing together. After this night, Pätrick gave Caleb one of his favorite softball T-shirts to sleep in until they would meet again for the promised cuddles.
They planned out a weekend to visit Caleb’s college town once school came back to session. Despite a hurricane just a few days prior (‘yes’, a hurricane!), Caleb rented a hotel and Pätrick got up to Binghamton for the most anticipated all-night snuggle session ever. During the weekend of driving around, Caleb shared a current ear-worm song of his and let Pätrick nerd-out by replaying and dissecting a song. This shared dynamic of one nerding-out and the other one taking it in would become a long-term trending dynamic within the partnership.
In the following years, Caleb graduated with his first Masters, the moved to Torrington, CT (don’t do it!), and later to Westfield, MA. With many of their coupleship memories being based in Vermont, Caleb tossed out the idea of this being a place for them to put down roots. They later moved to Vermont, were officially married, Caleb got his second Masters and license in Social Work, and bought their first house together which is located right next to one of the state’s many state forests.

The Borer Beetle in the Tree

"She knew that when you hear the sound of the deathwatch beetle the man you love is doomed to die."

Do you know that scene in Practical Magic where they talk about the Omen of the Deathwatch Beetle? Well; it resonates with me. As the Deathwatch Beetle is a boring creature, I relate it to represent the C-PTSD in my life. Whereas, I identify with being the tree.

For imagery purposes, let’s say I’m a Betula papyrifera (Paper Birch Tree). I exist in the forest, surrounded by thousands of other beautiful trees. Without close inspection by a certified arborist, one would not know about the borer beetle tunneling throughout my trunk. After time, I have allowed for my inner self to be hollowed out by a series of intersecting gnawed pathways of the beetle. No amount of sunshine or fresh rainwater is going to help the fact that I am basically now just a piece of cholla wood.

With all of the constant moving around and making sure Caleb was set up to achieve his goals for a career, the shifted focus dampened the sounds of the borer beetle. It was not until settling down in one place did the beetle's foreshadowing and unaddressed damage become truly realized.

To zoom the lens out on this metaphor, knowing the beetle is present relates back to the Omen of the Deathwatch Beetle. I don’t worry immediately what it’s doing to me, personally, but what it will mean for partnership, collectively. The beetle feels like a threat, endangering what I love most in the world. How to handle that threat is certainly the sensitive matter at-hand. Ignore it, battle it head-on, make peace with it, a combo approach, something yet to be known...and history of crippling anxiety on top, freezing any concrete decision-making for myself; handling it has felt taxing.

But the 'beetle' is just a 'beetle'. Not permitting it to become a catalyst, willing an omen for focus on feelings of unrest, unsafety, and loss of my spouse is where I currently am. Where I am going is a place that leans in on love and trust, of the self and a more fluid exchange in my marriage.

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