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Creative Mind
While this feels like it will be the easiest goal to achieve, it would be foolish not to be aware that this goal is also a front runner for the many ongoing layers involved with it. The main starting focus will be to being in touch to if/how I am trapped inside myself, not actively loving on a micro level with myself and husband; but also, a macro level in participation with my community (pl). This goal will also be interwoven heavily to a practical goal of communication.
Write a piece for Orchestra
I am going to write a piece for full orchestra to perform ideally for September 2020. This piece will be largely a work to audibly represent juggling life’s complex balance of life, obstacle, love, fear; an overall unique yet universal storytelling of our family’s journey. This might take an approach of Sergei Prokofiev, Michael Torke, some hybrid, or maybe just a different take altogether. Let’s see where inspiration sets the finish line for this goal!
Focus more time on my Craft
We bought a family Grimoire almost two years ago to start crafting our own energy incantations and practices, yet it is largely left blank and unfocused. I will look to focus my craft in both elements of water and earth-bound energies. I will look to explore tonal cues to resonate with focused chakras. Last year I introduced a lot of perennial herbs and beneficial plants to our landscape, this year will cultivate new herbalism practices. I will follow more of Caleb’s lead on fire-sourced practices.
53 Books in 52 Weeks
I will engage with other peoples’ stories / experiences which are both direct and to the periphery of my individual (as well as our family’s) journey aimed towards the goal of healing / building a strong sense of self and partnership. I will figure a way to capture the reflection of such stories, shared experiences, and/or research information in a complementary way to the first part of this goal.
Work on Artwork
I was always a kid who got lost in my imagination, dreaming of not too far-fetched fantasies. Often, I would find I would doodle little things here and there, since my writing skills were never at a level I felt gave an appropriate depiction of where my imagination brought me. I am simply going to doodle more. Improve my drawing skills...Despite realistic and creative imagery...Share it with my husband...If it’s cute, I might post it and delete later. 😊
Non-obsessively engage with social media network community
I created an Instagram account for us to share ideally with family, but I got awkward about it...and then made it private for some reason. The truth is that there are some great moments that have passed by over the years, and it’s a great option to look back and revisit those, even if the posting was infrequent. Twitter can be a time suck for reading opinions, and counter opinions...but Instagram offers some creative diversity. I am going to post with some regularity. These will be both of myself, and what I am working on, as well as what our family has / is doing. I have my hashtags ready!
Digital Content
A goal for digital content will be defined and explored. The main focus around this goal will be creative lifestyle engagement activities we enjoy; but may include informed discussions around mental health, care, and the policy(makers) behind this topic.
Practical Mind
C-PTSD
My biggest goal in this area is inner patience. By expression, the largest rule of measure is to break symptoms / cycles of going inward and being trapped inside myself when I am experiencing the most pain. I am going to not recognize my husband seeing this in me, but use that cue as a pushback against it. I am going to try and not allow weeks to go by without leaving our property due to irrational fear(s).
Finish the House
If I could point to one single thing as a cause of exploitation of my mental health, it would be the house. While I do not mind the creative aspects to make something unique to us in pursuit of making a house a home, the practical planning, staging, and execution have been marathoned exhaustion when I needed it to be phased sprints. There has been so much suffering by procrastinating from projects being started and not followed through on as a team or with the right resources. Eventually, the failures and abandoned tasks are not able to be ignored, and the madness continues in thoughts of ‘we could have dealt with this in a weekend, instead we have felt this pain for two years’. I have some community organizations and contractor supports set up...this year will be the last year of saying 'this is the year to finish the house'. There is no more demo to be done, officially, it’s just building up and finishing touches over the next twelve months. Then we can thrive in the space we have worked together to create. Being forced to stay in the practical world of balancing this type of project has been profoundly damaging. I look forward to crossing the finish line and having a generous boost in confidence from the success of completion.
Communicate
I am going to talk through my experiences as they are and not how I filter them to be, limited by the projection of what I think my husband, cashiers, neighbors, or passer-byes are thinking. I will do more than being stuck in not sharing emotional thoughts because of fear of burning out my intimate connection at home. I will do the right communication PT, to avoid this cycling emotional paralysis that hinders me in everyday life as well as limits my depth of intimacy with Caleb. The unspoken will not remain unspoken and left to third party assumptions. I will be better at communicating in moments of anger towards me as opposed to avoiding being at the receiving end.
Better German and ASL
For my own sense of self- I want to improve my spoken and understood German. In addition, I would like to pick up ASL again. I let go of instruction in 2010 and largely put it in the back of my mind...for no real reason. Plus, Caleb and I have talked about having our own ‘secret language’ in public (and at his family events). It’s time to sharpen these skills.
Organize, Test, and Put Together a Cookbook with our Family Recipes.
Over the years we have stumbled over a variety of lovely nice recipe launching off points, which have blossomed into personalized culinary creations. These recipes just float around in rotation of my head and while I plan out our dinners to differ, some recipes do get a little fuzzy to recall at times. I am going to write down, measure quantities, and formalize them for organization purposes. I need to get them out of floating variables of stress when they can be a practical recorded go-to. Perhaps in book format. Perhaps we will have a cute little garden tasting party. It’s been ages since I actually put together a garden party! <3
Connect with 100 People in the New England Region.
Just as a little goal, as I recall the time it takes to build an online network community, I want to connect with 100 people regionally, and a small percentage of that population to be met in-person.